Guilt is something we all feel at one point or another, especially when it comes to taking care of ourselves. Many women struggle with the belief that focusing on their own needs is selfish, even though the truth is, taking care of yourself isn’t just a luxury—it’s essential for your well-being.
When you’re constantly giving from an empty cup, you begin to feel resentful, depleted, and disconnected. But when you start choosing yourself, setting boundaries, and reconnecting with your body, you’ll start to feel more aligned, more grounded, and more at peace.
Today, I want to guide you through a powerful practice to help you release the guilt that has been holding you back, prioritize self-care, and affirm your worth. This practice will be grounded in the science of Polyvagal Theory and will give you the tools to start living with more balance, love, and intention.
Step 1: Acknowledge the Guilt—Understand Where It Comes From
The first step in releasing guilt is acknowledging it. Guilt is a natural emotional response, but it doesn’t always serve you. When you feel guilt creeping in—whether it’s for setting boundaries, choosing yourself, or saying no—take a moment to pause and really feel it.
Here’s how to approach it:
- Pause and Feel: When guilt arises, don’t push it away. Acknowledge it with curiosity. Ask yourself, “Where is this guilt coming from? What story am I telling myself about what I should be doing?”
- Notice the Story: Often, guilt is linked to a story we tell ourselves, such as “I’m a bad partner if I take time for myself” or “I’m being selfish if I say no.” Challenge these beliefs. Are they truly yours, or are they conditioned by society’s expectations? By questioning the story, you can begin to detach from it.
- Reflect on Your Needs: Guilt often arises when you prioritize others’ needs over your own. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Acknowledge that your needs are just as valid as anyone else’s.
Step 2: Redefine Self-Care—Make It a Foundational Practice
Self-care isn’t about champagne and pedicures nor is it something you do only when there’s time or when you’ve “earned it.” It’s a foundational part of your life. When you start seeing self-care as essential, not optional, it becomes a tool for staying aligned and balanced, rather than something that feels like a treat.
Here’s how to integrate self-care into your life:
- Start Small: Choose one small act of self-care today that feels right for you. It could be something as simple as taking a walk, enjoying a quiet cup of tea, or taking a 10-minute break to breathe deeply. Ask yourself, “What is one thing I can do today just for me that will fill me up?”
- Reconnect with Your Body: Your body is always speaking to you, whether through tension, fatigue, or discomfort. It holds the wisdom you need to make aligned choices. Practice body scans to check in with how you’re feeling throughout the day. Are there areas of tension or discomfort? Are you holding stress in certain places? This awareness will help you make decisions that nurture your well-being.
- Set Boundaries with Love: Setting boundaries isn’t just about protecting yourself from others—it’s about changing how you treat yourself. Start with small, manageable boundaries. It could be saying no to an event, not answering work emails after hours, or setting aside time each day for yourself. This is an act of self-love and respect. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to protect your peace.
Step 3: Affirm Your Worth—You Are Worthy of Care and Attention
We often feel guilty about taking time for ourselves because we forget that we are worthy of care—not because of what we do, but because of who we are. You don’t need to earn love, rest, or care; you are inherently deserving of these things.
Here’s how to affirm your worth:
- Daily Affirmations: Remind yourself every day that you are worthy of love, rest, and care. Start with simple affirmations like, “I am worthy of peace,” or “My needs are valid.” Let these words sink in, even if you don’t fully believe them at first. Over time, they will become your truth.
- Self-Compassion: Practice being kind to yourself when you feel guilty. Instead of criticizing yourself, say, “It’s okay to take care of me. In fact, it’s necessary.” Compassion will dissolve guilt and shift your mindset.
- Trust Your Body’s Signals: As you affirm your worth, listen to your body. When you honor your body’s needs for rest, nourishment, or play, you reinforce that you deserve to be taken care of—without guilt.
Step 4: Use Polyvagal Techniques to Regulate Your Nervous System
Guilt often triggers stress in our nervous system, putting us into fight-or-flight mode. Polyvagal Theory shows us that we can regulate our nervous system and move out of this state by practicing techniques that calm and center us. This will help you stay grounded when guilt arises and allow you to make aligned decisions.
Here’s how to use these techniques:
- Practice Deep Breathing: When guilt arises, take a few deep breaths. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Focus on your breath and allow your body to relax. This simple act of deep breathing can shift you out of a stress response and help you feel more at peace.
- Ground Yourself: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, try grounding techniques like focusing on the sensation of your feet on the ground or placing your hand on your heart. This physical connection helps calm your nervous system and bring you back to the present moment.
- Mindful Movement: Incorporate gentle movement into your day—stretching, walking, or yoga. This helps release stored tension in your body and can reset your nervous system, making it easier to respond to guilt or discomfort in a more regulated way.
Step 5: Practice Saying No—Honor Your Limits
Saying no is a powerful act of self-respect, and it’s often one of the hardest things we can do. But it’s essential for maintaining balance and reclaiming your peace. When you say no to something that doesn’t align with your needs, you’re saying yes to yourself.
Here’s how to start:
- Pick One Thing to Say No To: This week, choose one thing you’ve been saying yes to out of guilt or obligation and say no to it. It could be a social event, a work project, or something that drains your energy.
- Notice the Sensations in Your Body: Pay attention to how your body feels before and after you say no. Do you feel relief? Tension? Notice what comes up and use this awareness to reinforce your decision.
- Celebrate Your Choice: After setting the boundary, take a moment to acknowledge the strength it took to say no. Celebrate yourself for honoring your needs, and remember that this is a practice that will get easier over time.
Final Thoughts: Embrace Self-Love and Let Go of Guilt
Releasing guilt and embracing self-care isn’t a one-time act; it’s a process. The more you practice these steps—acknowledging guilt, redefining self-care, affirming your worth, and setting boundaries—the more aligned you’ll feel with your true self. You’ll begin to realize that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential for your growth, your peace, and your relationships.
As you move through this journey, remember: you are worthy of love, care, and attention—not because of what you do, but simply because of who you are.
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