Hey love!
Have you ever felt like parts of you are missing? Like you’re showing up in the world as a version of yourself that doesn’t reflect the real you? This fragmentation is a common experience for many women. We spend so much time trying to fit into societal expectations that we lose sight of discovering our true self and begin to push parts of ourselves into the shadows.
But the truth is, you are whole. And it’s only by embracing every part of yourself that you can truly align with your authentic purpose and connect with the universe in a deeper way.
In today’s blog, let’s explore how society’s expectations cause us to hide parts of ourselves and how we can break free from these constraints to focus on discovering your true self and living a more aligned and empowered life.
The Pressure to Fragment Ourselves
From an early age, women are taught to be caregivers, to put others first, and to perform in ways that fit into narrow societal molds. We’re told to “be nice,” “be quiet,” and “don’t make waves.” These messages are deeply ingrained in us, and over time, they teach us to fragment ourselves—to leave certain parts of our personality, our desires, or our needs behind in order to fit in.
When you start living by society’s rules instead of your own, you begin to fragment your identity. You suppress the parts of you that feel “too much” or “too different” to fit the prescribed mold, even though those parts are essential to your full, authentic self.
The Science of Fragmentation—Polyvagal Theory & Internal Family Systems
The fragmentation we experience isn’t just emotional—it has a physical impact on our nervous system. Polyvagal Theory teaches us that when we suppress parts of ourselves, it creates dysregulation in our nervous system. When you live in a state of constant disconnection from your true self, you might feel anxious, disconnected, or burnt out. Your body is responding to this inner fragmentation.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) provides a framework for understanding the different parts of ourselves—the parts we show the world, the parts we hide, and the parts that feel fragmented. By learning to integrate these parts, we can heal and create more harmony within ourselves.
The Practice of Integration—How to Bring All Parts of Yourself Together
Integration is the process of bringing all the parts of yourself into alignment. It requires a commitment to showing up fully, unapologetically, and without shame. Here’s how to start:
Step 1: Identify the Hidden Parts
The first step in integrating your hidden parts is to get curious about them. Reflect on the aspects of yourself you’ve suppressed or neglected, and ask yourself: What parts of me have I been hiding because they don’t fit with societal expectations?
Take some time to journal or simply sit with your thoughts and reflect on the following:
- What part of me have I been suppressing? This could be a dream, a personality trait, an emotion, or a talent.
- Why have I been hiding this part of myself? Is it because of societal pressure, fear of rejection, or a past experience that made you feel “less than” for showing this part?
- How does it feel to think about bringing this part back into my life? Notice if you feel any resistance or discomfort when thinking about this part of you.
Writing it down without judgment can help you uncover parts of yourself that are longing to be seen, acknowledged, and integrated.
Step 2: Honor Every Part of You
Once you’ve identified the hidden parts, it’s time to honor them. Every part of you, whether it’s your creativity, your anger, or your ambition, has a role in your journey. These parts may have been hidden for a reason, but they’re still a crucial piece of your puzzle.
Here’s how to honor these parts:
- Accept them as part of your whole self: Whether you’ve ignored your creative side or pushed down feelings of anger, recognize that these are all parts of you that deserve love and attention.
- Stop judging yourself for having these parts: Let go of the narrative that certain parts of you are “wrong” or “bad.” Your sensitivity, ambition, or even moments of anger are not signs of weakness—they’re signs of your authentic, human experience.
- Celebrate your wholeness: Instead of looking at yourself as fragmented, start embracing the idea that every part of you contributes to the fullness of who you are. You don’t need to hide or apologize for your complexity.
Step 3: Reclaim Your Wholeness
Reclaiming your wholeness means bringing all of yourself back into the present moment. This takes time and practice, but each step you take toward embracing the hidden parts of yourself brings you closer to alignment with your true self.
Here’s how to start integrating those parts:
- Choose one hidden part to begin with: It could be a hobby you’ve ignored or an emotion you’ve suppressed. For example, if you’ve been neglecting your creativity, consider taking time to write, paint, or create in some way, even if it’s just for fun.
- Share an idea or feeling you’ve been keeping to yourself: If you’ve been holding back your thoughts, it might be time to express them. Start by sharing one idea, opinion, or feeling that you’ve kept hidden. It could be in a conversation with a trusted friend, or even in your journal.
- Take small steps toward integrating your desires or dreams: If you’ve pushed your ambitions aside, take one action today toward pursuing something you’ve always wanted to do. Whether it’s enrolling in a class, researching a new project, or having a conversation about a goal you’ve been putting off—taking that first step is powerful.
Step 4: Embrace Your Wholeness Daily
Integration is a continuous practice. As you move forward, make it a habit to check in with yourself regularly and ask, “What parts of me am I hiding today? And how can I show up more fully as myself?”
Here’s how to continue the practice of integration:
- Notice when you feel the urge to hide a part of yourself: Whether it’s your sensitivity, ambition, or a creative idea, notice when you feel compelled to suppress it. Ask yourself, “What would it look like to show up fully as myself, without shame or fear?”
- Practice self-compassion: Understand that integration is a process, not a perfection. There will be times when you might feel hesitant or fearful to fully embrace certain parts of yourself. That’s okay. Be kind to yourself during those moments and remember that this is about progress, not perfection.
Celebrate the small wins: Each time you take action toward integrating a hidden part of yourself, celebrate it. Whether it’s expressing a feeling, pursuing a dream, or simply showing up authentically in a conversation, these moments are victories on your path to wholeness.
Keep Practicing Integration Every Day
Integration, like any new habit, takes consistency. Each day, take small, intentional steps toward discovering your true self by reclaiming the parts of you that have been hidden or neglected. Over time, these steps will feel natural, bringing alignment, confidence, and a deeper sense of wholeness.
You don’t have to do this perfectly—the goal is progress, not perfection. Start small, honor your body’s wisdom, and embrace the parts of you that make you unique. Integration isn’t a one-time event; it’s a lifelong practice that grows and evolves as you do.
By embracing your whole self—your creativity, ambition, anger, and sensitivity—you show up as a fully integrated woman, ready to live authentically and align with your true purpose.
Click here to explore HER Healing Hub and connect with other women committed to discovering their true selves and living a more aligned life.
