I grew up watching women sacrifice themselves for the sake of keeping a relationship. Women who tolerated infidelity just to say they were married. Women who accepted mistreatment because being alone was worse than being unhappy. And as a kid, I made a silent promise to myself: That will never be me.
But here’s the twist—I still ended up chasing scripted love. Not once, not twice, but three times. Each time, I was following a story that wasn’t mine, trying to mold myself into the version of love I thought was better. I had to unlearn many things before I could truly feel like myself in my marriage.
If you’re wondering how to build a fulfilling marriage or how to feel like yourself again in your marriage, here’s how I flipped the script.
The 3 Things I Do to Build a Fulfilling Marriage
1. Embracing Myself, Not My Potential—And Extending That Love to My Husband
For years, I believed love was about finding someone with “potential”—someone I could mold, guide, and shape into the perfect partner. But before I could truly love another, I had to embrace myself, not the version of me I thought I should become. I had to stop waiting to be ‘enough’ before I allowed myself to be loved fully.
When I learned to accept myself exactly as I was—flaws, strengths, and all—I realized I could extend that same love to my husband. Instead of trying to shape him into an ideal, I began loving him for who he was in the present, not for who he might one day become. That shift created a deeper, more authentic connection between us.
✨ Your Step: Take a moment to acknowledge and appreciate who you are today—not who you think you should be. Then, extend that same grace to your partner. Find one thing about them that you love as they are right now and tell them why it matters to you.
2. Releasing Control to Live in Connection—Starting with Myself
For so long, I thought control was the key to feeling safe in love. I believed that if I could predict, manage, and guide every aspect of my relationship, I wouldn’t get hurt. But the more I tried to control my partner, the more disconnected I felt—not just from him, but from myself.
I had to learn that true connection starts with surrendering control over my own journey. I had to let go of the need to be perfect, to have all the answers, to make everything “work.” Only then could I extend that same grace to my husband. I am not here to tell my husband who he needs to be. I am here to support him in becoming who the Universe created him to be. Love isn’t about fixing or controlling—it’s about witnessing, growing, and choosing each other daily.
✨ Your Step: Identify one area where you’re holding on too tightly—whether it’s expectations, decision-making, or emotional outcomes. Challenge yourself to release control in a small way this week, whether that’s letting your partner take the lead on something or simply allowing things to unfold without interference.
3. Us Against the World, Not Each Other
I was raised to believe that once kids come, they come first. But here’s what I’ve learned—if I don’t prioritize my marriage, I’m teaching my kids that love is secondary, that partnership is negotiable. My marriage is the foundation; everything else is built on top of that.
✨ Your Step: This week, put your relationship first in one intentional way. Plan an uninterrupted conversation, set aside sacred time, or simply remind your partner that they come before the chaos.
Let’s Talk About It: A Personal Reflection
A fulfilling marriage isn’t about defying tradition just for the sake of it. It’s about choosing what actually feels right for you.
If you’re tired of trying to fit into someone else’s relationship mold and you’re ready to build a fulfilling marriage and feel like yourself again in your marriage, this is your moment.
Ready to Build Your Own Version of Love?
If you’re craving a space where you can explore this kind of transformation, check out these resources designed for women just like you:
💡 HER Healing Hub – A space for wives redefining love on their terms.
💡 HER Healing Collective – For wives embracing the power of choosing self without guilt.
💡 Healing HER Relationship – Curated for couples ready to design their happily ever after.
🚀 Comment below your questions, opinions and experiences. I’m excited to chat.
