Picture this…
Laura used to feel confident in who she was. Before becoming a mother, she had passions, a clear sense of purpose, and time to nurture her own dreams. But now, as a mother of two young children, she feels like she’s lost herself. Her days are filled with diaper changes, school drop-offs, and never-ending to-do lists. At night, when the house is finally quiet, she wonders where she went. Is this just what motherhood is?
She loves her children deeply, but a quiet part of her aches for more—a sense of self beyond the role of “mom.”
Does this sound familiar?
Why Losing Your Identity in Motherhood Happens
The experience Laura describes is one that many mothers face. Society has long pushed the narrative that being a “good mother” means sacrificing everything for your children—your time, your energy, your identity. But this is a toxic myth, one that leads to burnout, frustration, and a disconnect between who you were and who you are now.
The truth is, when you lose sight of your own needs, desires, and identity, it can affect not only your well-being but also how you show up in all areas of your life, including motherhood. The most powerful version of you as a mother is the one that is deeply connected to herself.
Common Myths About Motherhood
Motherhood comes with many conditioned beliefs that no longer serve us, yet still shape how we see ourselves and how we operate:
- “Good mothers put their children first, always.”
This myth perpetuates the idea that you must always put your needs last. In reality, neglecting yourself leads to burnout, and when you’re drained, you can’t show up fully for your children. - “You’ll lose yourself in motherhood—it’s just how it is.”
While motherhood is a major life shift, you don’t have to lose yourself. It’s possible to evolve and integrate who you are with the role of being a mother. - “You should be able to do it all.”
This sets unrealistic expectations. No one can do it all, all the time. It’s okay to need support and to ask for help.
Breaking free from these conditioned beliefs is the first step to reclaiming your identity.
The Science of Thriving: Why Your Well-Being Matters to Your Children
Here’s what the research says: a mother’s well-being is directly tied to her child’s development. Studies show that a mother’s emotional and psychological health significantly impacts her child’s social and emotional growth. When you prioritize your own self-care and emotional balance, you model for your children what it looks like to live a full, authentic life. According to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, a mother’s life satisfaction has a direct influence on her child’s sense of security and emotional health.
When you thrive, your children thrive. The quality of the connection you have with yourself directly impacts the quality of the connection you have with your children.
How to Reclaim Your Identity in Motherhood
Reclaiming your identity as a mother doesn’t mean you have to choose between your children and yourself. It’s about creating harmony between the two, so that both can coexist and flourish. Here are some practical rituals and practices to help you reconnect with yourself while thriving in motherhood:
1. Morning Ritual of Self-Connection
Before the chaos of the day begins, take 10-15 minutes for yourself. This is your sacred time to ground yourself and set the tone for your day.
- Practice: Begin with deep, intentional breathing or a short meditation. Journal about how you want to feel today. Remind yourself that before you are a mother, you are you. This simple practice helps you start the day from a place of centeredness, so you can give from a full cup.
2. Check-in with Your Emotions Throughout the Day
One of the best ways to maintain your sense of self is by regularly checking in with how you’re feeling. By acknowledging your emotions, you stay connected to your inner self.
- Practice: Set a timer on your phone to pause twice a day. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?” and “What do I need?” This small act of self-awareness keeps you grounded and helps you avoid emotional burnout.
3. Create Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are not walls—they are acts of love that protect your energy and allow you to show up more fully for your children. Saying no to certain demands allows you to say yes to the things that matter most.
- Practice: Start by setting boundaries around your time. For example, schedule 30 minutes in the evening that are just for you—whether it’s reading, taking a bath, or meditating. This time is non-negotiable. Protecting this time for yourself is a powerful act of self-care.
4. Reignite Your Passions
Before motherhood, you had dreams and passions that lit you up. It’s time to reconnect with them. Your children benefit from seeing you pursue things that bring you joy because it shows them how to live a fulfilled life.
- Practice: Revisit an old passion, whether it’s painting, writing, or dancing. Even if it’s just for 20 minutes a week, find time to do something that’s purely for you. Your children will see that a fulfilled mother is one who embraces her passions.
5. Model Self-Care for Your Children
Children learn more from what they see than what they hear. Show them that self-care is not selfish—it’s essential.
- Practice: Involve your children in your self-care routines. If you meditate, invite them to sit with you for a few moments. If you go for walks, take them along. By modeling self-care, you teach them that it’s okay to take time for themselves, too.
Evolving Your Relationship with Self and Motherhood
Reclaiming your identity in motherhood is not about escaping the role—it’s about evolving within it. When you nurture the relationship you have with yourself, you not only show up as a more grounded, joyful mother, but you also teach your children what it means to live authentically and with purpose.
You are not just “Mom.” You are a whole, vibrant, and unique individual with dreams, desires, and a purpose beyond the roles you play. When you thrive in your identity, you create a ripple effect that empowers your children to thrive as well.